sacred syllable Om. I need a little more om in my life! I said I'd slow down and yet I have not. Not even a little. Not even the tiniest bit. If anything, I've got more going on than ever. It wasn't on purpose, and it's mostly all good but still. I'd love a little downtime, or do I?
My trip to NY was too short and too rushed - I had a great time and would go back in a heartbeat, but what I want is a little downtime here. I did it to myself so I can't feel any pity - the thing is - how do I get OUT of this? Moving here was tough - so I decided I was not going to sit at home and rot, I got out there, met people, made friends, joined groups, signed up for PTA and still work full time. Now, I'm in a decent rhythm, but all my time is filled. All of it.
I cut back on PTA, women's group, put X in nursery for four hours a week and yet, my time is still filled. I refuse to give up my friendships or work so what goes? Not the PTA - but I have decided to take a smaller role next year. Not my womens' group - but I have taken a less demanding role for next year.
For now I'll have to tough it out because I like everything I'm involved in - I just need things to slow down a little this summer and then start fresh in September. But can I hold on until then? I've cancelled on people a lot lately. I've missed out on outings due to work which is unfortunate, but it can't be helped.
The good news? My work is going gangbusters - doing really well so far this year and it's promising to be a banner year for me as well. I'm back full time for about six months now and it feels good.
You're probably wondering why I fill my dance card so much. The other day Fen took the kids out for an hour. In that hour I had nothing to do. It was Sunday - so there were no emails to return, no calls to make, no PTA, no women's club functions. It was just me. I was doing fine until I caught a glimpse of my sister's photo. Even though she died almost eight months ago - it does not get easier. It gets considerably harder and harder to think that she is gone. Forever. FOREVER. It is just too much to bear. I can't think about it so I walked down the hall and worked on a proposal. And then I was fine (ish) again. And I thank God for my busy life.