Monday, January 16, 2012
That time again...
But, today I was just about to unsubscribe from babycenter.com and it's weekly emails when I stopped myself. I've been receiving emails from them from my very first pregnancy back in 2006 (miscarried, unfortunately) and lived by them through both pregnancies and for years after. Now I don't even read them anymore - I just hit delete. Until today.
I'm not having any children, I don't pretend to entertain the idea - it's not going to happen. I'm too old, for one, and it's almost laughable to think of me pregnant again (I don't think the world would survive a third pregnancy of mine!) But that doesn't stop me from being nostalgic. My little man grows and grows. Cate is a little girl, no trace of baby left whatsoever. I have no baby anymore. This is good and bad. Today, it's not so great for grumpy old me as I sit hear listening to them in the bath with their father supervising. I don't need baby things anymore. That part of my life is over.
For a small part of my childhood and a larger part of my adulthood (especially when I turned 33!) I dreamed of finding the right man, having children and living happily ever after. I dreamed about that for decades! Finding the right man - check. Having children - check. Done that (and well, if I do say so myself).
Now what? I'm always reevaluating my life and what I want to do with it. I always feel that there is more that I can do. I'm at the top of my game professionally (infact was named in the top 150 dealmakers in publishing this week), have a sweet husband, adorable kids, wonderful family, a decent flat (don't get me started on this one), a job I truly enjoy, and a good life.
Still, I want more. What more can I do, really? I thought about it and I know what it is. I want to write a book. I keep playing at it but I don't really ever do it. I tap a few words out on the keyboard from time to time but I don't take it seriously. I think I want to write it in earnest this year. I'm a member of TWO writer's groups - you'd think I'd be more into it. What was a hobby I want to put onto the front burner. I want a book....and books are author's babies...so I guess I do want another baby! Guess I'll keep babycenter.com around for a tad longer.