Thursday, September 15, 2011

To tell, or not to tell? That is the question....

Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell.  ~Shana Alexander

This week I was reluctantly, and unexpectedly, dragged into a wretched round of gossip. It was aimed at a very good friend of mine and I had a choice to make. Do I tell her about it, or do I keep my mouth shut? I mulled it over and over and ultimately decided that if there was such a rumour floating around about me I would want to know and be able to confront the originator.

I agonized about it, talking to my husband and another impartial, uninvolved confidant, who both were quite reasonable and told me to do what I felt I needed to do. I didn't want to upset my friend or cause any trouble. After much deliberation, I decided to call her. I was not the first to call. I was not ringing the bell, I was just echoing it. Which was a relief, but I was somewhat disappointed in myself for not telling her sooner.

What happened next was an unfortunate turn of events where everyone lost. Everyone. The accusor was called out and lambasted, the accused was rightly furious and upset, I felt awful about it. But it is over. Thank God.

Now that I'm a supposed adult, with a husband, family and responsibilities it truly dismayed me to be dragged down into this highschool drama. It made me question whether I wanted to remain with this certain group or not. I do -  one bad experience doesn't represent the whole group. I have made some excellent friendship and I plan to continue to make more. I'm a good friend to those I love. Don't mess with my family or my friends, people!

So, I'm moving on. But it's left a bitter taste in my mouth and I just feel ugly about it. I hope to never be put in this position again. I won't let myself. I should have shut it down at the first whisper but I didn't. I won't do that again. 

I msut stress that NONE of this was malicious on anyone's part. It was just unfortunate.

Heavy sigh. Moving on....


  1. I hate gossip and I'm also loyal to friends, and I would have had to tell a friend if I'd heard rumours about them. Because I would hope and expect the to do the same for me. Unfortunately the messenger can end up being the one that's I once discovered for myself. You say you have remained in the group and moved on, albeit with a bitter taste. Good for you...although being honest here, if it was me I think I would hae to detach myself from those who were doing the gossiping.

  2. I try to set a good example to my children. I am a loyal friend and will not accept gossiping of bulling in any way. I think you took the right road

  3. Oh dear. You are a lovely, good person and true friends will have to acknowledge this fact.

    Thinking of you.

  4. You did well. Don't let it haunt you.
    We never seem to grow up when it comes to rumors and gossip. They are everywhere and it's awful when they come around and bite us in the ass.
    I managed to walk into a conversation about a very good friend who was recently widowed and the conversation was about her dating and getting remarried. All totally un true. I backed out slowly and got in touch with her asap to let her know what was being said and who was saying it. It too was a good friend of hers but one that I wasn't friends with. It ended up hurting her badly and the gossiping friend.


Go ahead, make my day!