Friday, November 27, 2009

Cheating on my daughter

I just peeked in at Cate napping in her room and felt a wave of guilt. Her sweet little face looks so innocent and beautiful as she lays there, happily sleeping in her room - living her little life without a care. In three days we're going to have our son and Cate will no longer be the only cherub for us to adore. I'm riddled with guilt and feel like I'm cheating on her.

Yeah, yeah, I know... the best thing I can give her is a sibling... blah, blah. That doesn't help me right now as I realize how we're going to uproot her very existence in every way possible: her position as only child is ending, the only home she has ever known, her nanny, her school, her friends, her neighborhood and family are all going to go away in two months when we move. The worst part for her - we're going to take the crying, poop machine with us! I worry that she'll never recover or forgive us for wrecking her happiness. London had better rock her world or we'll never get back in her good graces.

She's too young to really understand that mommy is having another baby and what that means. But she's wise enough to know something is up with mommy and has started to favor daddy. It stings when Fen and I both walk in the house together and she runs up to him, arms wide open, shouting, "Daddy!" Doesn't even cast a glance my way. It's hard for me to pick her up now and I have no lap left for her to sit on, plus, I'm tired, fat and well, boring. How's she going to react when I come walking in with a new baby (after having deserted her for several days)!

In all fairness, Cate does like babies and fusses over them so I'm hoping she'll like her brother. And she is a sweet natured child for the most part (as long as no one messes with her dolly stroller - gawd help ya!). But I remember the night she woke up with a slight fever and wanted to be rocked. She lay over my swollen belly, head on my chest trying to doze but the baby was awake and kept wiggling and kicking her. She pat my stomach and said, "No, mommy. Night, night."  But he kept kicking and she kept complaining. Baby wasn't even born and the fighting had begun.

There's a bottle of frosty limoncello with my name on it for next week. I'm going to need it....


  1. This sounds like a diary entry I wrote just before I had my second. The Queenager was 2 years and 9 months older than him when he came, plus she started a two-morning-a-week nursery school, plus we got a new au pair. I couldn't have upset her little world more if I'd tried. I have to say she did cry a lot. Her reaction to stress was to lie down and cry rather than have tantrums (and still is). However the two are close and I'm glad my kids have siblings.
    Before the second one came along I read a brilliant book (and lent it to a friend who never returned it) called "From One To Two" or something like that. It was bloody brilliant. Everything the author said might happen, did. It took the shock out of a lot of it for me.

  2. I had similar thoughts when expecting the second. When we got home fom the hospital she held out her arms as though to take baby and shouted 'oh thank you, mummy!' lol
    Of course there came tears and tantrums but she soon adapted. Plus babies sleep a lot so you still have lots of one on one time. and helping with the house moving and all teh excitment will keep her entertained. what is an annoying chore to us is a great adventure to them.

  3. I'm hoping to add to the family next year, and I'm already wondering how my little girl will cope with losing her status as only child. But I'm also looking forward to watching how she will interact with a baby brother or sister. I've just stumbled across your blog, and started following, so I'm not sure if you've posted before about why you're moving to London? Whatever the reason, I'm sure you'll love it! I arrived eight years ago from Sydney (and New Zealand before that). I was only planning to stay for two years, but completely fell in love with London, and the UK. My partner is English, and we have no plans to ever leave the UK. I'm looking forward to read about how you're settling in. x

  4. I used to worry about how my son would cope with his new sibling too. I used to cry about how things would change and how we wouldn't be able to do this and that together, things would never be the same again. It was silly really because things are always changing anyway when they're so young. My son accepted his sister from the outset, he brought birthday cake and sang Twinkle Twinkle when he met her for the first time. Yes we had issues but he never associated them with his sister, he has never shown any signs of aggression or hostility towards her. In fact, he sees his role as similar to ours, we all have to look after her and love her. The first months will be tough, but the moment you see your two children looking into each other's eyes and smiling is absolutely priceless.


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